Posts tagged ‘friend’
Speak not one Word
“You have no right to say a single word about me, my choices or my past. ‘Cause you weren’t there, and you didn’t get your heart broken, and you didn’t watch me bounce right back.”
Love and Forget
Love the people that treat you right, and forget about the ones who don’t believe in you.
Through your eyes?
I was laying in bed unable to close my eyelids. I was thinking about my week and mostly the people in my life. I paused a gave some people more though than others, when it hit me…what if they are thinking about me?
Have I made such an impact on anyone to keep them awake?
I’m I in someone’s thoughts right off their sleep tooth and nail with what they want me to be or with what I am?
New Chapters
You know we all have friends that we can’t give up on that we need to hold on to even though holding on is tough.
I hold on even though I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some people you have a feeling will bring you pain even though they have brought you happiness. Almost like an attempt at keeping a balance.
When you have a friend that helped you though a tough time but is continually letting you down at what point do you let it go? At what time do you beginning managing your friendships?
You never really understand how much you mean to someone but maybe it is our job to try and help them understand what they mean to us. Levels of friendships are difficult things but the important ones are worth wading through awkward wording to let them know.
Maybe it isn’t so much letting go as fading out. Not fighting to hold on to what you want to be there but allowing yourself to see what is really there.
Two Way Street
Today I had a bit of a falling out with one of my best friends C. It wasn’t over something so much as I was just frustrated with his whining and depression that he refuses to address. There is a time for complaining and there is a time for action. His time for complaining has long since pasted. This is the same previously discussed C.
I think now that I am in a relationship with D, C is saddened but I am incredibly happy with my relationship situation and even if I was single I would not re-visit a relationship with C.
Today he called me and asked me to go to the wal-mart with him to print out pictures for his photography class final. He called at noon and the photos were due at three. For some reason, unknown to me, he way over thinks the wal-mart photo machine so I said I would go to help him out. The whole time we were there he complained that the images were going to get altered color wise, which is not the case. I even got the girl behind the counter to tell him and I showed him that the computer didn’t adjust his images. Never the less he complained that what he was ordering was not what he was going to get. Okay that is fine he was getting cheap photos from wal-mart, and complaining isn’t going to fix anything that isn’t yet broken. That complaining repeatedly about things that aren’t broken yet just drives me crazy.
He wanted to grab a coffee while we waited for the pictures. He was freaking out that it was going to take forever (as in over an hour) to get the pictures…in my infinite wisdom go and ask the girl behind the counter how long she guessed it would take to process the pictures. Her guess was twenty minutes..again whine just because he could.
Now once in the truck to go to the coffee shop, his truck, he drove. He pulls out in front of another car and then swerves into people crossing the street on foot and then swerves again down one of the row that is one way going the wrong way. I was screaming just stop. I wanted him to stop just to collect himself and he asked in an irritated tone if I just wanted to go home. I said yes. He drove me back to my apartment without saying one word. Lucky for me it was a ten minute drive. After I hoped out of the truck he sped off.
I don’t think I did anything that I need to apologise for, so I haven’t called him or text-ed him.
It has dawned on me that I have known C since my freshman year and at the end of every semester he freaks out and acts completely out of character. I think just because your behavior is predictable doesn’t mean that I should have to deal with rude whinny behavior.
I was also thinking that I don’t know what I would lose if I never talked to him again. That seems like such a horrible statement. He is the least supportive of all my friends; I would say however he never judges me, but I don’t think that anymore. I can’t tell him about my last speeding ticket because I know he would think less of me or lecture me about being reckless.
The affection that D shows in my relationship is nothing like I ever felt or experienced in the over a year span I spend with C. Some people aren’t affectionate, but I can’t help really look at the relationship I have with C now.
I’m more upset that I could have a relationship with someone that I feel so disconnected to, which leads me to the title of this blog: “two way street” I feel like I have been a supportive friend to C but he is just not nor will he be the kind of supportive person I need in a serious strong best friend type relationship.
I think in some sense you can measure friendship and I’m not sure what I am getting out of this relationship with C. He may be one of the most dependable people I know but there is more to people than dependability.
If you can’t hold still maybe you should Move
It is interesting to me that I have lived in this apartment for three months, a quarter of a year, and I have not cried here. I have not cried in a relatively long time for me.
So either I have started prioritizing stress better or I have removed stress from my life. I think both thinks happened. With my family, I know I have made them proud and that they are always there. With my personal life I think I have grown up again.
Every year I think, “woo I have grown up a lot since last year.” Every year I believe that is a true statement. Last year as a junior I broke up with my best friend again and started dating a boy I was dating purely so I would not go back to my old relationship.
Lesson learned broken is broken. You can’t fix what can’t help itself. In this relationship that was just a relationship for the sake of keeping me out of the single category I became a cheater.
I believe that I am good at seeing things or situations from others people perspective but in this case or rather in his case I didn’t care. I saw him as a generally selfish person that was dating me for bragging right among his friends so I did whatever I wanted whenever it hit me. Lied and mostly just said nothing. Looking back I still don’t feel sorry for it and I even talk to that guy I was dating on occasion. Never told him never will.
It weirds me out that I don’t feel sorry but I guess I just didn’t feel anything for him. We were both using each other.
In my new relationship I don’t want to even be seen in other boy’s car because – don’t want it getting back to my boyfriend. (We go to a small college where the slightest possibility of drama spreads like wild fire.)
After I cheated on that old ex boyfriend I began to worry that if once a cheater always a cheater but I now see that is not the case. I didn’t cheat before that guy not ever and I could never now I am too happy.
What I am saying I guess is if you can’t hold still maybe you should move.
alone on campus
What is the point of being in a relationship?
I ask myself this question rather frequently now that I am in a relationship and going to move out of state while the significant other stays here. I ask myself this when I am alone. But I am happy when I am with him. Maybe I am just still very unsure of myself because of past experiences in relationships. I don’t know why I am so worried about it this all should be easy.
Ladies say that men are pigs and just want that one thing but why is this one so different. This relationship has near no physical contact and as a 21 year old on my own, independent female I feel this is odd. Can a relationship go too slow?
Maybe I just need more contact but if I want this to work after I leave I am going to need to deal with limited contact.
When I’m not in a relationship I am very independent but once I get in a relationship a develop a neediness and I am unsure if that is so wrong yet in never seems to have a place to fit in.
A Strong Fear of Tears
It has occurred to me that for the first time since I was a freshmen a boy has the ability to make me nervous. In every relationship I have placed myself in since I was a freshmen was one in which I could remove my emotions from the relationship.
I’m nervous where I should be bold.
It is a horrible cycle. I’m nervous because I’m not removed from the situation. I then fear because of my nervous actions.
I feel like I am, or rather, I feel like I know so little about him, yet like a typical girl I feel like I know who he is.
Will this nervousness put me at a disadvantage to being my true self?
Through My Eyes 