Posts tagged ‘single’
“You have no right to say a single word about me, my choices or my past. ‘Cause you weren’t there, and you didn’t get your heart broken, and you didn’t watch me bounce right back.”
Here recently I have been trying to figure out what it is that I deem to be important traits in my friends…
Almost a sort of priority…what is more important loyalty or honestly above all else? What things do I value most? I don’t know yet but I am working on it.
Trust – I think this is still the first one on the list, which I find particularly difficult because I can’t be trusted. I’m just, well their is no excuse, I just like to have too much fun sometimes at the expense of others feelings. I think of it as “putting myself first” or “looking out for me.” Mean things always seem not so bad in the moment. I know that I have been an unfaithful person, yet trust is still a big thing for me. I hate double standards and here I am creating a huge one. I suppose it is all in the hope that I find someone that can “keep me faithful”…that phrase sounds horrible but if you have ever been unfaithful, it makes a lot of sense.
Loyalty- Really goes along with that being faithful business, which I’m not an expert on, but still I find it attractive.
Comfort-Everyone says that they can be themselves with certain people…or rather that you should always be yourself but I am looking more the pick your nose, scratch your butt, burp, sing, dance, cry to, and do whatever in front of kind that isn’t even phased.
Is it weird that I find the qualities that I lack to be sooo attractive? Hmm, I’m sure someone is thinking opposites attract, but I don’t believe that. I don’t want opposite. I want the same but better.
I was laying in bed unable to close my eyelids. I was thinking about my week and mostly the people in my life. I paused a gave some people more though than others, when it hit me…what if they are thinking about me?
Have I made such an impact on anyone to keep them awake?
I’m I in someone’s thoughts right off their sleep tooth and nail with what they want me to be or with what I am?
- I’m single.
- I’m okay.
- I’m proud.
- I’m not an open book.
- I’m loud.
- I’m a liar.
- I’m honest.
- I’m not trusting.
- I’m skeptical of most things.
- I’m not a morning person.
- I’m a dancer though and though.
- I’m dependable.
- I’m fair.
- I’m better at acting that you would expect.
- I’m a traveler by nature.
- I’m a college senior.
- I’m a good student.
- I’m an outside person.
- I’m not a singer.
- I’m observant.
- I’m not one to talk about how I feel.
- I’m always making an effort to appear happy.
- I’m horrible with technology.
- I’m a photographer in my own mind.
- I’m waiting for something to happen.
- I’m not a t.v. watcher.
- I’m a movie addict.
- I’m a milk drinker.
- I’m a horseback rider.
- I’m in love with my blackberry.
- I’m on flickr.
- I’m still a roller skater.
- I’m not easily embarrassed.
- I’m a blogger.
- I’m twenty-one.
- I’m fascinated with textures.
- I’m taking yoga classes.
- I’m bad at accounting.
- I’m attracted to plaid underwear.
- I’m messy.
- I’m stuck on biscuits.
- I’m reading a horrible novel.
- I’m incapable of stopping in the middle of a movie or book.
- I’m a cat person.
- I’m enthusiastic by nature.
- I’m grossed out by feet.
- I’m not very good at the whole make-up concept.
- I’m barefoot whenever possible.
- I’m always thirsty.
- I’m constantly looking for something I lost.
It is thoughts of love that turn my eyelids into rebells tonight. There are so may types or love and then there are so many ways to express love.
I worry about which type of love I’m going to get because I want the team spirit type. That unites us in all our goals and endeavors and is “pure” without nasty secretive motives but what will I get? Will I even be able to keep any?
A close friend told me once that I was particularly good at pretending to be happy even when I wasn’t. Once it hits you that sometimes not even most of the time, just from time to time, you put up a mask it is odd to register. I feel like I do it because it is part of who I am being strong with emotional build up. Recognizing it as someone else sees it as a falsehood or something to be “worked” through is in so many ways upsetting.
To say I have a hard time with particular emotions is foolish and young to me because I know so many have the same problem and to me it is as if I expect it to be a problem like a battle that if won makes you stronger. The battles are tiresome.
I wish so badly to be a mind reader. I think that would make things easier.
Alright, We are two weeks into December and the Holiday season is in full swing. For the first time in my life the Holiday Season joy is really starting to get on my nerves. I don’t now why but apparently everyone, okay so not everyone but all my ex-boyfriends and guy friends have decided to catch the holiday cheer bug or whatever it is that is going around making everyone feel “emotional.”
So far, my most recent ex-boyfriend has chosen to tell me that as soon as I break up with my current boyfriend he will take me back in a flash. Which I could assume would be reassuring if I wasn’t thrilled with my current relationship. As a side note, let it be known that this is the ex-boyfriend that asked me while we were dating if he should continue to date me or if he should date a high school crush that recently showed interest instead…yeah I can really pick them.
Next in line would be the ex-boyfriend before the previously mentioned. This one chose to let me know that he would wait for me; like a until I was ready to go/come back to him sort of thing. He let me know that he would like to marry me to…view previous blog to read about my thoughts on marriage…https://merelyobservation.wordpress.com/2008/10/13/i-do/
Lastly there is my best friend from high school that is fighting in Iraq, I only get to “talk” to him online. He let me know that he deeply regrets never dating me in high school. He let me know that he can’t wait to get back to the states to see me and for some reason he wants to cook for me, which I thought was odd.
Why is it when you are single everyone is okay with just being your friend, but as soon as you are happily dating they just can’t resist you?
I’m thinking this is just a result from the joyful holiday season that will past with the new year. It is up setting to have to turn down guys you consider a good friend because you know that it sucks, being turned down that is. I don’t feel like I’m leading anyone on, because everyone knows about my current relationship status.
Being desired after a high school experience of being undesirable is still weird to me. I suppose I should be flattered but instead it is frustrated having to upset and irritate my friends.