Posts tagged ‘friendship’
Here recently I have been trying to figure out what it is that I deem to be important traits in my friends…
Almost a sort of priority…what is more important loyalty or honestly above all else? What things do I value most? I don’t know yet but I am working on it.
Trust – I think this is still the first one on the list, which I find particularly difficult because I can’t be trusted. I’m just, well their is no excuse, I just like to have too much fun sometimes at the expense of others feelings. I think of it as “putting myself first” or “looking out for me.” Mean things always seem not so bad in the moment. I know that I have been an unfaithful person, yet trust is still a big thing for me. I hate double standards and here I am creating a huge one. I suppose it is all in the hope that I find someone that can “keep me faithful”…that phrase sounds horrible but if you have ever been unfaithful, it makes a lot of sense.
Loyalty- Really goes along with that being faithful business, which I’m not an expert on, but still I find it attractive.
Comfort-Everyone says that they can be themselves with certain people…or rather that you should always be yourself but I am looking more the pick your nose, scratch your butt, burp, sing, dance, cry to, and do whatever in front of kind that isn’t even phased.
Is it weird that I find the qualities that I lack to be sooo attractive? Hmm, I’m sure someone is thinking opposites attract, but I don’t believe that. I don’t want opposite. I want the same but better.
Alright, We are two weeks into December and the Holiday season is in full swing. For the first time in my life the Holiday Season joy is really starting to get on my nerves. I don’t now why but apparently everyone, okay so not everyone but all my ex-boyfriends and guy friends have decided to catch the holiday cheer bug or whatever it is that is going around making everyone feel “emotional.”
So far, my most recent ex-boyfriend has chosen to tell me that as soon as I break up with my current boyfriend he will take me back in a flash. Which I could assume would be reassuring if I wasn’t thrilled with my current relationship. As a side note, let it be known that this is the ex-boyfriend that asked me while we were dating if he should continue to date me or if he should date a high school crush that recently showed interest instead…yeah I can really pick them.
Next in line would be the ex-boyfriend before the previously mentioned. This one chose to let me know that he would wait for me; like a until I was ready to go/come back to him sort of thing. He let me know that he would like to marry me to…view previous blog to read about my thoughts on marriage…https://merelyobservation.wordpress.com/2008/10/13/i-do/
Lastly there is my best friend from high school that is fighting in Iraq, I only get to “talk” to him online. He let me know that he deeply regrets never dating me in high school. He let me know that he can’t wait to get back to the states to see me and for some reason he wants to cook for me, which I thought was odd.
Why is it when you are single everyone is okay with just being your friend, but as soon as you are happily dating they just can’t resist you?
I’m thinking this is just a result from the joyful holiday season that will past with the new year. It is up setting to have to turn down guys you consider a good friend because you know that it sucks, being turned down that is. I don’t feel like I’m leading anyone on, because everyone knows about my current relationship status.
Being desired after a high school experience of being undesirable is still weird to me. I suppose I should be flattered but instead it is frustrated having to upset and irritate my friends.
You know we all have friends that we can’t give up on that we need to hold on to even though holding on is tough.
I hold on even though I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some people you have a feeling will bring you pain even though they have brought you happiness. Almost like an attempt at keeping a balance.
When you have a friend that helped you though a tough time but is continually letting you down at what point do you let it go? At what time do you beginning managing your friendships?
You never really understand how much you mean to someone but maybe it is our job to try and help them understand what they mean to us. Levels of friendships are difficult things but the important ones are worth wading through awkward wording to let them know.
Maybe it isn’t so much letting go as fading out. Not fighting to hold on to what you want to be there but allowing yourself to see what is really there.
Today I had a bit of a falling out with one of my best friends C. It wasn’t over something so much as I was just frustrated with his whining and depression that he refuses to address. There is a time for complaining and there is a time for action. His time for complaining has long since pasted. This is the same previously discussed C.
I think now that I am in a relationship with D, C is saddened but I am incredibly happy with my relationship situation and even if I was single I would not re-visit a relationship with C.
Today he called me and asked me to go to the wal-mart with him to print out pictures for his photography class final. He called at noon and the photos were due at three. For some reason, unknown to me, he way over thinks the wal-mart photo machine so I said I would go to help him out. The whole time we were there he complained that the images were going to get altered color wise, which is not the case. I even got the girl behind the counter to tell him and I showed him that the computer didn’t adjust his images. Never the less he complained that what he was ordering was not what he was going to get. Okay that is fine he was getting cheap photos from wal-mart, and complaining isn’t going to fix anything that isn’t yet broken. That complaining repeatedly about things that aren’t broken yet just drives me crazy.
He wanted to grab a coffee while we waited for the pictures. He was freaking out that it was going to take forever (as in over an hour) to get the pictures…in my infinite wisdom go and ask the girl behind the counter how long she guessed it would take to process the pictures. Her guess was twenty minutes..again whine just because he could.
Now once in the truck to go to the coffee shop, his truck, he drove. He pulls out in front of another car and then swerves into people crossing the street on foot and then swerves again down one of the row that is one way going the wrong way. I was screaming just stop. I wanted him to stop just to collect himself and he asked in an irritated tone if I just wanted to go home. I said yes. He drove me back to my apartment without saying one word. Lucky for me it was a ten minute drive. After I hoped out of the truck he sped off.
I don’t think I did anything that I need to apologise for, so I haven’t called him or text-ed him.
It has dawned on me that I have known C since my freshman year and at the end of every semester he freaks out and acts completely out of character. I think just because your behavior is predictable doesn’t mean that I should have to deal with rude whinny behavior.
I was also thinking that I don’t know what I would lose if I never talked to him again. That seems like such a horrible statement. He is the least supportive of all my friends; I would say however he never judges me, but I don’t think that anymore. I can’t tell him about my last speeding ticket because I know he would think less of me or lecture me about being reckless.
The affection that D shows in my relationship is nothing like I ever felt or experienced in the over a year span I spend with C. Some people aren’t affectionate, but I can’t help really look at the relationship I have with C now.
I’m more upset that I could have a relationship with someone that I feel so disconnected to, which leads me to the title of this blog: “two way street” I feel like I have been a supportive friend to C but he is just not nor will he be the kind of supportive person I need in a serious strong best friend type relationship.
I think in some sense you can measure friendship and I’m not sure what I am getting out of this relationship with C. He may be one of the most dependable people I know but there is more to people than dependability.
So, I do most of my writing from what I know best, which is the adventures of being a 21 year old college senior girl. I go to school in the south and I have chosen a bachelors of science from a male dominated major.
Currently, I have a handful of super best friends (all being males except for one). I am starting a relationship with a very cute and intellectual boy I refer to in this blog as D. He asked me to be his girlfriend on Sept 4!!! I have a passion for photography, and I am thinking about getting my masters in that field.
I live on campus in a very small apartment with three other females. I wish so much to live with boys. Don’t get me wrong though I am pretty girl and have a shoe and bag collection that would scare most. This is my last Fall semester here and I can’t wait to walk across the stage and get my degree in May! I will be graduating a year before D because his major is a five year program. I’m not sure what this role is going to play in my life.
I realized today that however young my relationship is with D, I am very excited at the newness and the simplicity of it. It is a slow going relationship as I have only hugged him. For the most part we only go on double dates, which I’m not a fan of. If you are a boy reading this think about it. On a date, you are trying to impress. You take along a friend thinking that it makes the situation more comfortable but in reality you take your friend. Now your chosen cutie has to deal with three strangers when she is trying you learn about you. You might think that a double date takes some of the pressure off of you but really now you have to hope your friend doesn’t say something that weirds her out. I mean a date is an interview…lets keep it that way.
I worked over the summer as an intern, but right now I don’t have a job. I am hoping that I have saved enough money from the summer to push me though this year. This is the hope.
Here lately I am trying to get into the photography sense. I entered a competition with six of my photos against 500 photos and not a one got in. I was a little discouraged but I want to try again. I think I can do this.
I wanted on a job offer from the company I interned with this summer. I hope hear from them in the next few week. I must hear from them before October.
I kind of feel like I am in a weird limbo like state of life. I’m really not going anywhere right yet but everywhere is in front of me.