Archive for November, 2008
In just six months I will start my career and be making what I think is “real” money. I can’t wait but it is going to be an interesting experience. I will go from making no money and living off my summer money and my Mum to being independent almost instantly.
I’m starting to look at things in magazines and on the Internet and think, “just six more months before I can have it.” Whatever the ”it” may be. As of late the ”it” has been:
a new mac laptop, new camera lenses, a vacation to Ireland, a vacation to England, shoes, dresses
at my rate of dreaming I’m never going to actually save any money. I think that and then I realize I think that I can’t really even comprehend the amount of money that I am about to make. I’m thrilled with my career.
Everyone keeps asking me what my “new” boyfriend thinks about my career, but I honestly think he is just proud. I’ll keep my relationship for a separate blog post.
So close yet so far.
One of the most important things I have learned in college is to organize and to manage my time wisely.
Every on the planet get the same number of hours in the day…how you work them is extremely important.
I remember as a freshman freaking out all the time about not having enough time. As a sophomore, I calmed down a lot. As a junior I realized that you can aways make time if something is important enough. I think as a senior I have finally really worked out how to work my time.
With my new insight: I think I would have started scheduled more on paper…scheduling through my phone is a new brilliant technique.
The best thing about living on a college campus is the walk. The walk is the part that is easy to predict. Easy to feel cool since it portrayed on hundreds of movies.
Walking through the campus your surrounded by your choice or maybe your choices. Mistakes are unavoidable. People are unavoidable. You are part of the pack. Part of a whole, singled out as one.
Bad news can attack many areas of ourselves. Bad news has the ability to attack our character, our feelings, our lives, our jobs, our relationships and any combination of the things that make us up.
Our own bad news is also a test on our relationships. We get to see who stands closer or who backs away. I’m so lucky in this time of my life to have a set of stepper uppers.
I’m continually interested by the was that others help you handle your individual stress. There is a sort of art to trying to understand the situations of others. There is an art to being more than just a good listener.
Today I had a bit of a falling out with one of my best friends C. It wasn’t over something so much as I was just frustrated with his whining and depression that he refuses to address. There is a time for complaining and there is a time for action. His time for complaining has long since pasted. This is the same previously discussed C.
I think now that I am in a relationship with D, C is saddened but I am incredibly happy with my relationship situation and even if I was single I would not re-visit a relationship with C.
Today he called me and asked me to go to the wal-mart with him to print out pictures for his photography class final. He called at noon and the photos were due at three. For some reason, unknown to me, he way over thinks the wal-mart photo machine so I said I would go to help him out. The whole time we were there he complained that the images were going to get altered color wise, which is not the case. I even got the girl behind the counter to tell him and I showed him that the computer didn’t adjust his images. Never the less he complained that what he was ordering was not what he was going to get. Okay that is fine he was getting cheap photos from wal-mart, and complaining isn’t going to fix anything that isn’t yet broken. That complaining repeatedly about things that aren’t broken yet just drives me crazy.
He wanted to grab a coffee while we waited for the pictures. He was freaking out that it was going to take forever (as in over an hour) to get the pictures…in my infinite wisdom go and ask the girl behind the counter how long she guessed it would take to process the pictures. Her guess was twenty minutes..again whine just because he could.
Now once in the truck to go to the coffee shop, his truck, he drove. He pulls out in front of another car and then swerves into people crossing the street on foot and then swerves again down one of the row that is one way going the wrong way. I was screaming just stop. I wanted him to stop just to collect himself and he asked in an irritated tone if I just wanted to go home. I said yes. He drove me back to my apartment without saying one word. Lucky for me it was a ten minute drive. After I hoped out of the truck he sped off.
I don’t think I did anything that I need to apologise for, so I haven’t called him or text-ed him.
It has dawned on me that I have known C since my freshman year and at the end of every semester he freaks out and acts completely out of character. I think just because your behavior is predictable doesn’t mean that I should have to deal with rude whinny behavior.
I was also thinking that I don’t know what I would lose if I never talked to him again. That seems like such a horrible statement. He is the least supportive of all my friends; I would say however he never judges me, but I don’t think that anymore. I can’t tell him about my last speeding ticket because I know he would think less of me or lecture me about being reckless.
The affection that D shows in my relationship is nothing like I ever felt or experienced in the over a year span I spend with C. Some people aren’t affectionate, but I can’t help really look at the relationship I have with C now.
I’m more upset that I could have a relationship with someone that I feel so disconnected to, which leads me to the title of this blog: “two way street” I feel like I have been a supportive friend to C but he is just not nor will he be the kind of supportive person I need in a serious strong best friend type relationship.
I think in some sense you can measure friendship and I’m not sure what I am getting out of this relationship with C. He may be one of the most dependable people I know but there is more to people than dependability.
I’ve always heard that relationships are work but are they really? When do they stop being fun and start requiring work?
Maybe I should not say “stop being fun,” but when do you have to start making a serious enough effort to start calling it work?
How do you know that you are seeing someone for who they really are and not for who you want them to be?
In this “new” relationship, I don’t really get to see my boyfriend that much. Sometimes I feel like I have a good idea of who he is as a person and other times I wonder if I honestly know him. There is a saying that you can never truly know someone but at a point you can predict their behavior and just know their answers to questions. Either this one is a tough read or I am trying to rush the process along. I find myself thinking about him frequently. He is now the person I think about the most. I dream about him in normal situations.
I don’t think this is fear; I think it is nerves.
How can I believe this one will work when there is no relationship that I envy or can model after?
After all the failed relationship I have seen I find myself interested in myself because I have not given up on this idea on loving someone and staying in love with someone for a lifetime. How can you have faith in an idea that you have never seen followed through?