Posts tagged ‘Boys’

You are the wind beneath my Wings

Love is the person you think about during the sad songs.

Continue Reading August 2, 2009 at 9:03 pm Leave a comment

Hold my Hand

You and my time just don’t mix…

Continue Reading July 25, 2009 at 2:52 pm 1 comment

Love and Forget

Love the people that treat you right, and forget about the ones who don’t believe in you.

Continue Reading July 25, 2009 at 2:45 pm Leave a comment

When I think of you are you thinking about Me?

July 25, 2009 at 1:41 pm Leave a comment

Happy and Sad

June 21, 2009 at 5:08 pm Leave a comment

work in progress

Here recently I have been trying to figure out what it is that I deem to be important traits in my friends…

Almost a sort of priority…what is more important loyalty or honestly above all else? What things do I value most? I don’t know yet but I am working on it.

Trust – I think this is still the first one on the list, which I find particularly difficult because I can’t be trusted. I’m just, well their is no excuse, I just like to have too much fun sometimes at the expense of others feelings. I think of it as “putting myself first” or “looking out for me.” Mean things always seem not so bad in the moment. I know that I have been an unfaithful person, yet trust is still a big thing for me. I hate double standards and here I am creating a huge one. I suppose it is all in the hope that I find someone that can “keep me faithful”…that phrase sounds horrible but if you have ever been unfaithful, it makes a lot of sense.

Loyalty- Really goes along with that being faithful business, which I’m not an expert on, but still I find it attractive.

Comfort-Everyone says that they can be themselves with certain people…or rather that you should always be yourself but I am looking more the pick your nose, scratch your butt, burp, sing, dance, cry to, and do whatever in front of kind that isn’t even phased.

Is it weird that I find the qualities that I lack to be sooo attractive? Hmm, I’m sure someone is thinking opposites attract, but I don’t believe that. I don’t want opposite. I want the same but better.

Better….

February 5, 2009 at 3:38 am Leave a comment

typing l o v e

It is thoughts of love that turn my eyelids into rebells tonight. There are so may types or love and then there are so many ways to express love.

I worry about which type of love I’m going to get because I want the team spirit type. That unites us in all our goals and endeavors and is “pure” without nasty secretive motives but what will I get? Will I even be able to keep any?

A close friend told me once that I was particularly good at pretending to be happy even when I wasn’t. Once it hits you that sometimes not even most of the time, just from time to time, you put up a mask it is odd to register. I feel like I do it because it is part of who I am being strong with emotional build up. Recognizing it as someone else sees it as a falsehood or something to be “worked” through is in so many ways upsetting.

To say I have a hard time with particular emotions is foolish and young to me because I know so many have the same problem and to me it is as if I expect it to be a problem like a battle that if won makes you stronger. The battles are tiresome.

I wish so badly to be a mind reader. I think that would make things easier.

December 17, 2008 at 8:25 pm Leave a comment

Holiday Joy is Starting to Get to Me

Alright, We are two weeks into December and the Holiday season is in full swing. For the first time in my life the Holiday Season joy is really starting to get on my nerves. I don’t now why but apparently everyone, okay so not everyone but all my ex-boyfriends and guy friends have decided to catch the holiday cheer bug or whatever it is that is going around making everyone feel “emotional.”

So far, my most recent ex-boyfriend has chosen to tell me that as soon as I break up with my current boyfriend he will take me back in a flash. Which I could assume would be reassuring if I wasn’t thrilled with my current relationship. As a side note, let it be known that this is the ex-boyfriend that asked me while we were dating if he should continue to date me or if he should date a high school crush that recently showed interest instead…yeah I can really pick them.

Next in line would be the ex-boyfriend before the previously mentioned. This one chose to let me know that he would wait for me; like a until I was ready to go/come back to him sort of thing. He let me know that he would like to marry me to…view previous blog to read about my thoughts on marriage…https://merelyobservation.wordpress.com/2008/10/13/i-do/

Lastly there is my best friend from high school that is fighting in Iraq, I only get to “talk” to him online. He let me know that he deeply regrets never dating me in high school. He let me know that he can’t wait to get back to the states to see me and for some reason he wants to cook for me, which I thought was odd.

Why is it when you are single everyone is okay with just being your friend, but as soon as you are happily dating they just can’t resist you?

I’m thinking this is just a result from the joyful holiday season that will past with the new year. It is up setting to have to turn down guys you consider a good friend because you know that it sucks, being turned down that is. I don’t feel like I’m leading anyone on, because everyone knows about my current relationship status.

Being desired after a high school experience of being undesirable is still weird to me. I suppose I should be flattered but instead it is frustrated having to upset and irritate my friends.

December 11, 2008 at 12:11 am Leave a comment

Taking an Interest

It never fails to fascinate me when someone takes an interest in me.

The thing is that I can never just believe they are purely interested in me; I look for the motives.

We can explain how to lose trust, but went we speak of gaining trust it is just remarked that it takes time. What if you meet someone and it doesn’t take them anytime at all you just feel the need to give it to them?

December 1, 2008 at 12:21 am Leave a comment

Two Way Street

Today I had a bit of a falling out with one of my best friends C. It wasn’t over something so much as I was just frustrated with his whining and depression that he refuses to address. There is a time for complaining and there is a time for action. His time for complaining has long since pasted. This is the same previously discussed C.

I think now that I am in a relationship with D, C is saddened but I am incredibly happy with my relationship situation and even if I was single I would not re-visit a relationship with C.

Today he called me and asked me to go to the wal-mart with him to print out pictures for his photography class final. He called at noon and the photos were due at three. For some reason, unknown to me, he way over thinks the wal-mart photo machine so I said I would go to help him out. The whole time we were there he complained that the images were going to get altered color wise, which is not the case. I even got the girl behind the counter to tell him and I showed him that the computer didn’t adjust his images. Never the less he complained that what he was ordering was not what he was going to get. Okay that is fine he was getting cheap photos from wal-mart, and complaining isn’t going to fix anything that isn’t yet broken. That complaining repeatedly about things that aren’t broken yet just drives me crazy.

He wanted to grab a coffee while we waited for the pictures. He was freaking out that it was going to take forever (as in over an hour) to get the pictures…in my infinite wisdom go and ask the girl behind the counter how long she guessed it would take to process the pictures. Her guess was twenty minutes..again whine just because he could.

Now once in the truck to go to the coffee shop, his truck, he drove. He pulls out in front of another car and then swerves into people crossing the street on foot and then swerves again down one of the row that is one way going the wrong way. I was screaming just stop. I wanted him to stop just to collect himself and he asked in an irritated tone if I just wanted to go home. I said yes. He drove me back to my apartment without saying one word. Lucky for me it was a ten minute drive. After I hoped out of the truck he sped off.

I don’t think I did anything that I need to apologise for, so I haven’t called him or text-ed him.

It has dawned on me that I have known C since my freshman year and at the end of every semester he freaks out and acts completely out of character. I think just because your behavior is predictable doesn’t mean that I should have to deal with rude whinny behavior.

I was also thinking that I don’t know what I would lose if I never talked to him again. That seems like such a horrible statement. He is the least supportive of all my friends; I would say however he never judges me, but I don’t think that anymore. I can’t tell him about my last speeding ticket because I know he would think less of me or lecture me about being reckless.

The affection that D shows in my relationship is nothing like I ever felt or experienced in the over a year span I spend with C. Some people aren’t affectionate, but I can’t help really look at the relationship I have with C now.

I’m more upset that I could have a relationship with someone that I feel so disconnected to, which leads me to the title of this blog: “two way street” I feel like I have been a supportive friend to C but he is just not nor will he be the kind of supportive person I need in a serious strong best friend type relationship.

I think in some sense you can measure friendship and I’m not sure what I am getting out of this relationship with C. He may be one of the most dependable people I know but there is more to people than dependability.

November 19, 2008 at 2:21 am Leave a comment

Older Posts


August 2020
M T W T F S S
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31