Posts tagged ‘dating’

Holiday Joy is Starting to Get to Me

Alright, We are two weeks into December and the Holiday season is in full swing. For the first time in my life the Holiday Season joy is really starting to get on my nerves. I don’t now why but apparently everyone, okay so not everyone but all my ex-boyfriends and guy friends have decided to catch the holiday cheer bug or whatever it is that is going around making everyone feel “emotional.”

So far, my most recent ex-boyfriend has chosen to tell me that as soon as I break up with my current boyfriend he will take me back in a flash. Which I could assume would be reassuring if I wasn’t thrilled with my current relationship. As a side note, let it be known that this is the ex-boyfriend that asked me while we were dating if he should continue to date me or if he should date a high school crush that recently showed interest instead…yeah I can really pick them.

Next in line would be the ex-boyfriend before the previously mentioned. This one chose to let me know that he would wait for me; like a until I was ready to go/come back to him sort of thing. He let me know that he would like to marry me to…view previous blog to read about my thoughts on marriage…https://merelyobservation.wordpress.com/2008/10/13/i-do/

Lastly there is my best friend from high school that is fighting in Iraq, I only get to “talk” to him online. He let me know that he deeply regrets never dating me in high school. He let me know that he can’t wait to get back to the states to see me and for some reason he wants to cook for me, which I thought was odd.

Why is it when you are single everyone is okay with just being your friend, but as soon as you are happily dating they just can’t resist you?

I’m thinking this is just a result from the joyful holiday season that will past with the new year. It is up setting to have to turn down guys you consider a good friend because you know that it sucks, being turned down that is. I don’t feel like I’m leading anyone on, because everyone knows about my current relationship status.

Being desired after a high school experience of being undesirable is still weird to me. I suppose I should be flattered but instead it is frustrated having to upset and irritate my friends.

December 11, 2008 at 12:11 am Leave a comment

Rose Colored Glasses

How do you know that you are seeing someone for who they really are and not for who you want them to be?
In this “new” relationship, I don’t really get to see my boyfriend that much. Sometimes I feel like I have a good idea of who he is as a person and other times I wonder if I honestly know him. There is a saying that you can never truly know someone but at a point you can predict their behavior and just know their answers to questions. Either this one is a tough read or I am trying to rush the process along. I find myself thinking about him frequently. He is now the person I think about the most. I dream about him in normal situations.
I don’t think this is fear; I think it is nerves.
How can I believe this one will work when there is no relationship that I envy or can model after?
After all the failed relationship I have seen I find myself interested in myself because I have not given up on this idea on loving someone and staying in love with someone for a lifetime. How can you have faith in an idea that you have never seen followed through?

November 2, 2008 at 4:24 pm Leave a comment

the next step

Physical intimacy clearly has several levels. The more I think about it the beginning or new relationship levels like kissing and hand holding and hugging are the most meaningful to the development of a relationship. Physical intimacy after than is a development off of trust but is not a requirement for trust.
For example when a person is in a emotionally stressed state the contact that often offered is very basic and cherished at those moments.
Can one say that the majority of bonding is in the hands and lips? Not to say it is a most but it a basic building block for relationship development.
When someone is sick in a hospital bed you just squeeze their hand, this to me makes it an essential so to say. I like the point that was made at there a number of case where physical intimacy is an impossibility yet still the relationship develops and becomes strong. I’m just trying to weed through the development of a dating sort of relationship.

In a day and age when a more intense physical intimacy is more common place does the human emotion and brain still value it as much as when couple has to wait for marriage to do more than hold hands? Or has the human emotion factor and brain not “evolved” as fast as trends. In a sense you are lead to say that intense physical intimacy my just be for pleasure and that the brain acknowledges just that which is how we were lead to the free love type movement.

October 26, 2008 at 6:53 pm Leave a comment

If you can’t hold still maybe you should Move

It is interesting to me that I have lived in this apartment for three months, a quarter of a year, and I have not cried here. I have not cried in a relatively long time for me.

So either I have started prioritizing stress better or I have removed stress from my life. I think both thinks happened. With my family, I know I have made them proud and that they are always there. With my personal life I think I have grown up again.

Every year I think, “woo I have grown up a lot since last year.” Every year I believe that is a true statement. Last year as a junior I broke up with my best friend again and started dating a boy I was dating purely so I would not go back to my old relationship.

Lesson learned broken is broken. You can’t fix what can’t help itself. In this relationship that was just a relationship for the sake of keeping me out of the single category I became a cheater.
I believe that I am good at seeing things or situations from others people perspective but in this case or rather in his case I didn’t care. I saw him as a generally selfish person that was dating me for bragging right among his friends so I did whatever I wanted whenever it hit me. Lied and mostly just said nothing. Looking back I still don’t feel sorry for it and I even talk to that guy I was dating on occasion. Never told him never will.

It weirds me out that I don’t feel sorry but I guess I just didn’t feel anything for him. We were both using each other.

In my new relationship I don’t want to even be seen in other boy’s car because – don’t want it getting back to my boyfriend. (We go to a small college where the slightest possibility of drama spreads like wild fire.)
After I cheated on that old ex boyfriend I began to worry that if once a cheater always a cheater but I now see that is not the case. I didn’t cheat before that guy not ever and I could never now I am too happy.
What I am saying I guess is if you can’t hold still maybe you should move.

October 21, 2008 at 9:33 pm Leave a comment

it is the Little Things

Everyone says it is in the little things but I know.

My boyfriend is swamped with homework, but he takes an hour break to rescue me from myself.

This relationship lacks a physical intimacy which is new for me. I have never had a boyfriend that wasn’t interested about spending the night with me. The part that makes me said with that is that I wonder if he knows I am into him. I think he does.

Can you image being in a relationship for the first time that lacked physical intimacy?

I’m still nervous about this relationship because for the first time in years someone could hurt me. D could make me cry and I don’t like being that vulnerable. Maybe I am wrong for calling it vulnerable?

I’m always excited to claim him as my boyfriend. Next week he gets to meet the parents…A little nervous about it because I really like him but he isn’t like anyone I have ever liked before.

I was blogging about my dreams for a while, but in over a month I have not had a nightmare. I think I might be nervous but my head is happy with where I am at.

I think I need to listen more to my gut. I have almost lost all my acid reflux and nightmares are at an all time low.

When your brain is relaxed, does that mean that you are subconscious relaxed?

October 9, 2008 at 10:48 am 1 comment

the next step

So, I do most of my writing from what I know best, which is the adventures of being a 21 year old college senior girl. I go to school in the south and I have chosen a bachelors of science from a male dominated major.

Currently, I have a handful of super best friends (all being males except for one). I am starting a relationship with a very cute and intellectual boy I refer to in this blog as D. He asked me to be his girlfriend on Sept 4!!! I have a passion for photography, and I am thinking about getting my masters in that field.

I live on campus in a very small apartment with three other females. I wish so much to live with boys. Don’t get me wrong though I am pretty girl and have a shoe and bag collection that would scare most. This is my last Fall semester here and I can’t wait to walk across the stage and get my degree in May! I will be graduating a year before D because his major is a five year program. I’m not sure what this role is going to play in my life.

I realized today that however young my relationship is with D, I am very excited at the newness and the simplicity of it. It is a slow going relationship as I have only hugged him. For the most part we only go on double dates, which I’m not a fan of. If you are a boy reading this think about it. On a date, you are trying to impress. You take along a friend thinking that it makes the situation more comfortable but in reality you take your friend. Now your chosen cutie has to deal with three strangers when she is trying you learn about you. You might think that a double date takes some of the pressure off of you but really now you have to hope your friend doesn’t say something that weirds her out. I mean a date is an interview…lets keep it that way.

I worked over the summer as an intern, but right now I don’t have a job. I am hoping that I have saved enough money from the summer to push me though this year. This is the hope.

Here lately I am trying to get into the photography sense. I entered a competition with six of my photos against 500 photos and not a one got in. I was a little discouraged but I want to try again. I think I can do this.

I wanted on a job offer from the company I interned with this summer. I hope hear from them in the next few week. I must hear from them before October.

I kind of feel like I am in a weird limbo like state of life. I’m really not going anywhere right yet but everywhere is in front of me.

September 18, 2008 at 12:02 am Leave a comment


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