Posts tagged ‘confidence’

typing l o v e

It is thoughts of love that turn my eyelids into rebells tonight. There are so may types or love and then there are so many ways to express love.

I worry about which type of love I’m going to get because I want the team spirit type. That unites us in all our goals and endeavors and is “pure” without nasty secretive motives but what will I get? Will I even be able to keep any?

A close friend told me once that I was particularly good at pretending to be happy even when I wasn’t. Once it hits you that sometimes not even most of the time, just from time to time, you put up a mask it is odd to register. I feel like I do it because it is part of who I am being strong with emotional build up. Recognizing it as someone else sees it as a falsehood or something to be “worked” through is in so many ways upsetting.

To say I have a hard time with particular emotions is foolish and young to me because I know so many have the same problem and to me it is as if I expect it to be a problem like a battle that if won makes you stronger. The battles are tiresome.

I wish so badly to be a mind reader. I think that would make things easier.

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December 17, 2008 at 8:25 pm Leave a comment

alone on campus

What is the point of being in a relationship?
I ask myself this question rather frequently now that I am in a relationship and going to move out of state while the significant other stays here. I ask myself this when I am alone. But I am happy when I am with him. Maybe I am just still very unsure of myself because of past experiences in relationships. I don’t know why I am so worried about it this all should be easy.
Ladies say that men are pigs and just want that one thing but why is this one so different. This relationship has near no physical contact and as a 21 year old on my own, independent female I feel this is odd. Can a relationship go too slow?
Maybe I just need more contact but if I want this to work after I leave I am going to need to deal with limited contact.
When I’m not in a relationship I am very independent but once I get in a relationship a develop a neediness and I am unsure if that is so wrong yet in never seems to have a place to fit in.

October 16, 2008 at 10:36 pm Leave a comment

Making it

I got my job offer this afternoon from the company I interned with over the summer. I graduate in May and I got my job offer eight months before I can work. I am so excited. I got more money that the highest paid intern from my major last year.

I feel like I am all set.

I have a boyfriend D that I am very excited to have. So everything is really working out. It has been a few years since I was excited about a boy.

September 24, 2008 at 10:20 pm Leave a comment

Confidence is a fair weather Friend

Now I stand tall with my confidence by my side

tomorrow I might stand without as he stands before me

September 2, 2008 at 12:08 am Leave a comment


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