Archive for October, 2008

the next step

Physical intimacy clearly has several levels. The more I think about it the beginning or new relationship levels like kissing and hand holding and hugging are the most meaningful to the development of a relationship. Physical intimacy after than is a development off of trust but is not a requirement for trust.
For example when a person is in a emotionally stressed state the contact that often offered is very basic and cherished at those moments.
Can one say that the majority of bonding is in the hands and lips? Not to say it is a most but it a basic building block for relationship development.
When someone is sick in a hospital bed you just squeeze their hand, this to me makes it an essential so to say. I like the point that was made at there a number of case where physical intimacy is an impossibility yet still the relationship develops and becomes strong. I’m just trying to weed through the development of a dating sort of relationship.

In a day and age when a more intense physical intimacy is more common place does the human emotion and brain still value it as much as when couple has to wait for marriage to do more than hold hands? Or has the human emotion factor and brain not “evolved” as fast as trends. In a sense you are lead to say that intense physical intimacy my just be for pleasure and that the brain acknowledges just that which is how we were lead to the free love type movement.

October 26, 2008 at 6:53 pm Leave a comment


How important is the physical side of a relationship really?
Okay this may sound like a odd question but on the mental level what kind of intimacy is needed for strong bonding if any?

October 21, 2008 at 9:45 pm 2 comments

If you can’t hold still maybe you should Move

It is interesting to me that I have lived in this apartment for three months, a quarter of a year, and I have not cried here. I have not cried in a relatively long time for me.

So either I have started prioritizing stress better or I have removed stress from my life. I think both thinks happened. With my family, I know I have made them proud and that they are always there. With my personal life I think I have grown up again.

Every year I think, “woo I have grown up a lot since last year.” Every year I believe that is a true statement. Last year as a junior I broke up with my best friend again and started dating a boy I was dating purely so I would not go back to my old relationship.

Lesson learned broken is broken. You can’t fix what can’t help itself. In this relationship that was just a relationship for the sake of keeping me out of the single category I became a cheater.
I believe that I am good at seeing things or situations from others people perspective but in this case or rather in his case I didn’t care. I saw him as a generally selfish person that was dating me for bragging right among his friends so I did whatever I wanted whenever it hit me. Lied and mostly just said nothing. Looking back I still don’t feel sorry for it and I even talk to that guy I was dating on occasion. Never told him never will.

It weirds me out that I don’t feel sorry but I guess I just didn’t feel anything for him. We were both using each other.

In my new relationship I don’t want to even be seen in other boy’s car because – don’t want it getting back to my boyfriend. (We go to a small college where the slightest possibility of drama spreads like wild fire.)
After I cheated on that old ex boyfriend I began to worry that if once a cheater always a cheater but I now see that is not the case. I didn’t cheat before that guy not ever and I could never now I am too happy.
What I am saying I guess is if you can’t hold still maybe you should move.

October 21, 2008 at 9:33 pm Leave a comment

alone on campus

What is the point of being in a relationship?
I ask myself this question rather frequently now that I am in a relationship and going to move out of state while the significant other stays here. I ask myself this when I am alone. But I am happy when I am with him. Maybe I am just still very unsure of myself because of past experiences in relationships. I don’t know why I am so worried about it this all should be easy.
Ladies say that men are pigs and just want that one thing but why is this one so different. This relationship has near no physical contact and as a 21 year old on my own, independent female I feel this is odd. Can a relationship go too slow?
Maybe I just need more contact but if I want this to work after I leave I am going to need to deal with limited contact.
When I’m not in a relationship I am very independent but once I get in a relationship a develop a neediness and I am unsure if that is so wrong yet in never seems to have a place to fit in.

October 16, 2008 at 10:36 pm Leave a comment

I do?

Weddings are going to be a thing of the past. It is tradition that I don’t think I will conform to.

I am don’t believe in organized religion and weddings are a religious ceremony.

If you are a truthful in your relationship why do you need to be married? Now a days couples keep everything separate, and with finances being the number one conflict with relationship it makes perfect sense. I don’t see what would change with a marriage.

A few people think I say this because I don’t want to change my last name but that is not the point at all. I wouldn’t mind changing my name, it is not the point at all.

I would hope that nothing would change about my relationship because I would already be in a strong and honest relationship.

October 13, 2008 at 9:20 pm 1 comment

interesting quote

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.

October 13, 2008 at 12:02 am Leave a comment

it is the Little Things

Everyone says it is in the little things but I know.

My boyfriend is swamped with homework, but he takes an hour break to rescue me from myself.

This relationship lacks a physical intimacy which is new for me. I have never had a boyfriend that wasn’t interested about spending the night with me. The part that makes me said with that is that I wonder if he knows I am into him. I think he does.

Can you image being in a relationship for the first time that lacked physical intimacy?

I’m still nervous about this relationship because for the first time in years someone could hurt me. D could make me cry and I don’t like being that vulnerable. Maybe I am wrong for calling it vulnerable?

I’m always excited to claim him as my boyfriend. Next week he gets to meet the parents…A little nervous about it because I really like him but he isn’t like anyone I have ever liked before.

I was blogging about my dreams for a while, but in over a month I have not had a nightmare. I think I might be nervous but my head is happy with where I am at.

I think I need to listen more to my gut. I have almost lost all my acid reflux and nightmares are at an all time low.

When your brain is relaxed, does that mean that you are subconscious relaxed?

October 9, 2008 at 10:48 am 1 comment

Trying this Honesty Thing

You know what makes honestly so frustrating? you never see the beauty of truth and honesty. I’m not sure why that is when everyone knows how easy it is to spill lies instead of owning up to truth.

For the first time in a relationship I had the opportunity to lie to make something appear better, but I chose to be honest.

You know I wonder if he even notice that I was honest instead of lying? But then there are an immeasurable amount of times I have been told the truth over lies and failed to give anyone credit.

I have never been excited about someones honesty because I have always figured that is what people are “supposed to do.” Now I am beginning to see that honesty isn’t a must with people anymore and should be valued.

I want to have a relationship based on truth, trust, and honesty. I think I can do that.

I don’t want to be a bad girl anymore. I was old fashioned before and last year I chose to be a bad girl. Honesty wasn’t a huge thing to me. I feel much more like myself in my old fashion ways.

I don’t know how this boy is getting me to rethink my last year choice to be a bad girl and change back to myself old fashioned and traditional.

I guess a bad girl was about having fun, but that didn’t work for me. Now I am having fun, and I think my honesty might be noticed.

Maybe it is just how do you tell someone you noticed their honesty?

Building Trust

October 7, 2008 at 11:12 pm 1 comment

Small Milestones

So one month as D’s girlfriend.

It is a small milestone, but I am still excited about it.

October 4, 2008 at 11:29 pm Leave a comment

Hand Holding

I am in a beautiful hand holding relationship.

As a freshman I was in a relationship with a non-hand holder. Then last year I put myself in a hand holding relationship but the hand holding was grade C at best.

Now I’m in a relationship with a hand holder that is second only to my Daddy.

We went to the square today for dinner with a mutual friend. Walking to the car, walking to restaurant, in front of friends, walking around, walking to car, just standing around, hand holding.

I have no idea way but handholding is important to my relationships. When it isn’t in a relationship it is important enough for me to crave so I’m very happy with the situation of handholding.

I thought once when I was with the anti-hand-holder, that maybe I was just clingy and childish for wanting the handholding but no no good and frequent hand-holders are out there.

Why is handholding such an important connection?

October 4, 2008 at 2:18 am Leave a comment

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October 2008