Posts tagged ‘nightmare’

Crashing

The dream starts with me on a commercial airline trying to find my seat. It seems to be some sort of convention type adventure I am on as all the people on the plane are young. The plane is very wide having two aisles, with two tables at the front of the plane. The tables are kind of like the tables in a high school science room. I find my seat and I am sitting next to a boy.

Just like when I sit on real airplanes, I find myself sitting on the seat belt. There is no account of driving on the runway or of take off. We are already in the air and there are two police officers in their blue uniforms walking around the plane just generally chit-chatting. I unbuckle my seat belt to go to the bathroom.

As I leave my seat one of the two police officers takes my seat. I had an aisle seat in the middle driver-side part of the plane maybe four rows from the front. In real life I prefer the front of the plane. I don’t enjoy the cramped pushing of everyone when it is finally time to get off the plane.

I’m unsure if I actually entered the restroom or not in my dream. What I remember next is standing at the corner of the table in front of my aisle. Looking at all the people on the plane and watching the police officer in my seat talk to the person (who I can’t recall) across the aisle. The plane starts to climb and there are a few noises from the passengers. The police officer in my seat raise his voice (yes both the police officers were men, the one in my seat had short dark hair and wasn’t very tall). He says, “the reason that planes gain altitude or climb in flight….” and at that moment the climb of the plane is so steep that I fold over the table. Everyone that I can see is gripping the arm rests with both hands. I can hear screams coming from the back of the plane and to my left. The police officer isn’t saying anything now. The plane levels out and I begin to frantically scan for a seat that I can take. The police officer isn’t getting out of mine. I see one. As I find a seat which is in front of my old one the plane climbs straight up again. I’m folded over the table. Some screams hold on. Items from the passengers are falling to the back of the plane. I think about how much it is going to hurt if I can’t hold on to this table. The plane shakes and starts to lean.

People are passing out. I lay over this table think how odd it is that I am not scared. I’m not screaming. I’m not talking. I’m not even breathing hard. My heart was racing the first climb but now it is normal. I’m a little nervous but hardly even enough to mention. The situation is out of my hands, so I let it be that way. I notice the police officer has a look of terror that is coming off of his face. He is coming to the same terms I came to. Some people have passed out.

I think about the people that are going to be looking for me, or rather what is left of me. I know they will not find me and that makes me sad only because I know it will help someone come to accept what happened.

I will never know if it was weather or a broken plane.

I wake up and I am upset at my lack of emotion. I say awake for an hour before sleep takes me back.

September 29, 2008 at 4:44 pm Leave a comment

Fear in Clear Dreams

I had a dream last night. It was not a fluid dream, but it was crystal clear. Teeth are a big hang up for me. The dream started with me and a few friends. No particular friends that I can remember now since waking up. I got a stud place above my lip on the right side. A small diamond implanted. Then I was given medicine to make me fall asleep. It really didn’t work completely as I was still conscience. Above my right front tooth a half inch hole was drilled to hold a large diamond. Nothing bad happened to my teeth. The hole was drilled like a cone. It didn’t hurt and everyone around me thought it was really cool. The diamond was placed in. My gums in the dream were much larger than in real life. I looked in the mirror and hated it. I had the diamond taken out immediately. I looked in the hole and saw into my sinus cavity. There was no blood in the whole dream. I saw a metal or grey looking bit back in the cone space drilled into my gums. The plan was to fill the hole with a blue clay like material. I woke up.

I just want to loose that image of me looking into a mirror and seeing that hole in my gums. All day today I have been running my tongue across my front teeth and gums.

I have such vivid dreams. I want a happy one. I want something that doesn’t upset me just to think about.

September 12, 2008 at 12:41 am Leave a comment

Being Pursued

A senior in college only ten more month before I walk across the stage and out of the lives of so many people I call friends. I have a problem. A problem with making decisions about my personal life.

C, my ex and best friend, appears to be pursuing me again. My most recent crush has taken me on my first double date in over a year, on here I call him D. I think I know what will make me happiest but I have a horrible tendency of changing my mind.

I really have no one to talk over the situation with. No one will ever see the world through your eyes. I have a room-mate but she doesn’t understand my situation. You can never tell if someone has felt as you have once felt, but the laws of nature train you to believe that no one is like you that you are a snowflake. I don’t believe we are all completely different, and unique.

Should I follow my heart even though it may lead me back down a path I have already travel, or should I encourage my heart to look else where? You may not be able to choose who you love but maybe I could aim my affections to either say inside to go else where.

I think D is different because I feel like there is something on the line to gain or to loose.

During the day C gets upset so easily but he has a way of seducing me when the sun goes down. I want just to lye with him. I miss cuddling; I have never thought myself much for cuddling but I still want to.

I have such horrible nightmares that visit me regularly. I now don’t dread the nightmare, I expect them. They have almost become a measure of how deeply I slept. Company I know I should not depend on but slowly realizing how comforting another can be if you let them.

I love my independent personality. I don’t want to lose it. I’m happy, but lonely.

Why so young am I tired of getting hurt by the way others drop me?

August 26, 2008 at 12:16 am Leave a comment


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