Posts tagged ‘boy’
“If we discovered that we had only five minutes left to say all that we wanted to say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they loved them.”
– Christopher Morley
“I’m thinking that sometimes you just have to make the decision to be happy. Just realize that things aren’t ever what you hoped they’d be. Not ever. For anybody. The only thing that separates one kind of person from another is that there are some who stay angry about it and they are some who accept what comes their way.”
“So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it, if it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it’d be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.”
My eyes verses my ears…I pick eyes, but when it comes to love my ears rule..
It is thoughts of love that turn my eyelids into rebells tonight. There are so may types or love and then there are so many ways to express love.
I worry about which type of love I’m going to get because I want the team spirit type. That unites us in all our goals and endeavors and is “pure” without nasty secretive motives but what will I get? Will I even be able to keep any?
A close friend told me once that I was particularly good at pretending to be happy even when I wasn’t. Once it hits you that sometimes not even most of the time, just from time to time, you put up a mask it is odd to register. I feel like I do it because it is part of who I am being strong with emotional build up. Recognizing it as someone else sees it as a falsehood or something to be “worked” through is in so many ways upsetting.
To say I have a hard time with particular emotions is foolish and young to me because I know so many have the same problem and to me it is as if I expect it to be a problem like a battle that if won makes you stronger. The battles are tiresome.
I wish so badly to be a mind reader. I think that would make things easier.
Alright, We are two weeks into December and the Holiday season is in full swing. For the first time in my life the Holiday Season joy is really starting to get on my nerves. I don’t now why but apparently everyone, okay so not everyone but all my ex-boyfriends and guy friends have decided to catch the holiday cheer bug or whatever it is that is going around making everyone feel “emotional.”
So far, my most recent ex-boyfriend has chosen to tell me that as soon as I break up with my current boyfriend he will take me back in a flash. Which I could assume would be reassuring if I wasn’t thrilled with my current relationship. As a side note, let it be known that this is the ex-boyfriend that asked me while we were dating if he should continue to date me or if he should date a high school crush that recently showed interest instead…yeah I can really pick them.
Next in line would be the ex-boyfriend before the previously mentioned. This one chose to let me know that he would wait for me; like a until I was ready to go/come back to him sort of thing. He let me know that he would like to marry me to…view previous blog to read about my thoughts on marriage…https://merelyobservation.wordpress.com/2008/10/13/i-do/
Lastly there is my best friend from high school that is fighting in Iraq, I only get to “talk” to him online. He let me know that he deeply regrets never dating me in high school. He let me know that he can’t wait to get back to the states to see me and for some reason he wants to cook for me, which I thought was odd.
Why is it when you are single everyone is okay with just being your friend, but as soon as you are happily dating they just can’t resist you?
I’m thinking this is just a result from the joyful holiday season that will past with the new year. It is up setting to have to turn down guys you consider a good friend because you know that it sucks, being turned down that is. I don’t feel like I’m leading anyone on, because everyone knows about my current relationship status.
Being desired after a high school experience of being undesirable is still weird to me. I suppose I should be flattered but instead it is frustrated having to upset and irritate my friends.
Today I had a bit of a falling out with one of my best friends C. It wasn’t over something so much as I was just frustrated with his whining and depression that he refuses to address. There is a time for complaining and there is a time for action. His time for complaining has long since pasted. This is the same previously discussed C.
I think now that I am in a relationship with D, C is saddened but I am incredibly happy with my relationship situation and even if I was single I would not re-visit a relationship with C.
Today he called me and asked me to go to the wal-mart with him to print out pictures for his photography class final. He called at noon and the photos were due at three. For some reason, unknown to me, he way over thinks the wal-mart photo machine so I said I would go to help him out. The whole time we were there he complained that the images were going to get altered color wise, which is not the case. I even got the girl behind the counter to tell him and I showed him that the computer didn’t adjust his images. Never the less he complained that what he was ordering was not what he was going to get. Okay that is fine he was getting cheap photos from wal-mart, and complaining isn’t going to fix anything that isn’t yet broken. That complaining repeatedly about things that aren’t broken yet just drives me crazy.
He wanted to grab a coffee while we waited for the pictures. He was freaking out that it was going to take forever (as in over an hour) to get the pictures…in my infinite wisdom go and ask the girl behind the counter how long she guessed it would take to process the pictures. Her guess was twenty minutes..again whine just because he could.
Now once in the truck to go to the coffee shop, his truck, he drove. He pulls out in front of another car and then swerves into people crossing the street on foot and then swerves again down one of the row that is one way going the wrong way. I was screaming just stop. I wanted him to stop just to collect himself and he asked in an irritated tone if I just wanted to go home. I said yes. He drove me back to my apartment without saying one word. Lucky for me it was a ten minute drive. After I hoped out of the truck he sped off.
I don’t think I did anything that I need to apologise for, so I haven’t called him or text-ed him.
It has dawned on me that I have known C since my freshman year and at the end of every semester he freaks out and acts completely out of character. I think just because your behavior is predictable doesn’t mean that I should have to deal with rude whinny behavior.
I was also thinking that I don’t know what I would lose if I never talked to him again. That seems like such a horrible statement. He is the least supportive of all my friends; I would say however he never judges me, but I don’t think that anymore. I can’t tell him about my last speeding ticket because I know he would think less of me or lecture me about being reckless.
The affection that D shows in my relationship is nothing like I ever felt or experienced in the over a year span I spend with C. Some people aren’t affectionate, but I can’t help really look at the relationship I have with C now.
I’m more upset that I could have a relationship with someone that I feel so disconnected to, which leads me to the title of this blog: “two way street” I feel like I have been a supportive friend to C but he is just not nor will he be the kind of supportive person I need in a serious strong best friend type relationship.
I think in some sense you can measure friendship and I’m not sure what I am getting out of this relationship with C. He may be one of the most dependable people I know but there is more to people than dependability.
How do you know that you are seeing someone for who they really are and not for who you want them to be?
In this “new” relationship, I don’t really get to see my boyfriend that much. Sometimes I feel like I have a good idea of who he is as a person and other times I wonder if I honestly know him. There is a saying that you can never truly know someone but at a point you can predict their behavior and just know their answers to questions. Either this one is a tough read or I am trying to rush the process along. I find myself thinking about him frequently. He is now the person I think about the most. I dream about him in normal situations.
I don’t think this is fear; I think it is nerves.
How can I believe this one will work when there is no relationship that I envy or can model after?
After all the failed relationship I have seen I find myself interested in myself because I have not given up on this idea on loving someone and staying in love with someone for a lifetime. How can you have faith in an idea that you have never seen followed through?